Reclaiming Rest: A Journey Beyond Chronic Stress

Have you ever had a moment when you realized how deeply stress has become part of your identity? For many of us, feelings of exhaustion, headaches, and digestive issues are often accepted as just 'normal, busy-life stuff.' These are clear signs of chronic stress.

Of course, most people would respond to the question of stress with a shrug, saying, "Of course, we're stressed! Who isn't?" But what if I asked you to imagine a life without that constant tension—mentally and physically? Would you be able to share that vision without hesitation or would you be silent? If you couldn't begin to picture it, it might signal that stress has shifted from being an experience to becoming a core part of who you are.

I often see this pattern, especially among women I talk to—particularly women of color. We've normalized a feeling that should only ever be temporary. The constant vigilance, the code-switching, and the invisible labor of navigating spaces that aren't designed for us create pressure to be exceptional just to be seen as equal. These aren't just occasional stressors. Instead, they form the daily backdrop against which we live our lives.

The Double Burden: When Stress Becomes Your Normal

Sarah (name changed), a client in her late thirties, approached me struggling with what she described as "unexplainable fatigue." Despite being a successful professional managing a team at a Fortune 300 company, she couldn't understand why she felt so depleted despite eating well and exercising regularly.

"I'm doing everything right," she expressed, frustration evident in her tone. "I follow all the wellness advice—green smoothies, morning workouts, meditation apps. But I still feel like I'm running on fumes."

As we delved into her experience, a familiar pattern emerged. Sarah was not only confronting the regular stressors of her demanding career, but she also carried additional burdens typical of being one of the few Black women in leadership at her company:

• The mental gymnastics before speaking in meetings, ensuring every word is just right.

• The pressure to represent her entire race in discussions about diversity.

• The invisible emotional labor involved in mentoring other employees of color.

• The added effort to appear "put together" to counter stereotypes.

• The constant energy spent processing microaggressions without showing any reaction.

  
  

These kinds of stressors rarely made it into standard wellness advice. A green smoothie couldn't alleviate the exhaustion from daily code-switching. A meditation app didn't address the systemic realities weighing down her nervous system. The workout routine, while beneficial, couldn't offset the cortisol patterns established over years of "pushing through."

This situation highlights the double burden many women of color face. They deal with both the everyday stressors of modern life and the added layers of vigilance, visibility, and validation that come from navigating systems where their presence often feels unwelcome.

Your Body Keeps the Score: How Stress Shows Up

When we discuss stress, we frequently focus on the mental and emotional aspects. However, as Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has articulated, "the body keeps the score." Stress manifests physically in ways that many of us have learned to ignore or endure:

• The tension headaches we treat with pain relievers instead of rest.

• The digestive issues we resolve with over-the-counter medications.

• The sleep disturbances we power through with caffeine.

• The menstrual irregularities we accept as normal.

• The blood pressure changes we blame on aging.

• The blood sugar fluctuations we attribute solely to diet.

  
  

For women of color, these physical stress manifestations often intersect with medical racism and gender bias in healthcare. This intersection can lead to both the underdiagnosis of stress-related conditions and the over-attribution of physical symptoms to stereotypical causes.

When Sarah began tracking her physical symptoms alongside her daily experiences, she noticed clear patterns. Her headaches worsened after particularly tense meetings, and her digestive problems flared up during busy weeks. Sleep quality plummeted while she navigated difficult team dynamics.

These weren't isolated health issues; they were her body's reliable signals that something needed to change.

The Myth of Resilience

One of the most damaging narratives that many women of color internalize is what I call the "resilience trap." This narrative suggests that our capacity to endure hardship is our greatest strength and primary value.

We've heard stories about our ancestors who faced unimaginable hardships and "still showed up." We are often celebrated for our ability to "make a way out of no way." Our strength in adversity becomes not just a survival skill but an expected characteristic.

While this narrative honors real histories of perseverance, it can also become a cage, making it difficult to acknowledge our limits or to claim our right to rest. It turns "pushing through" from a temporary need into a defining virtue.

I see this with clients like Maya (name changed), who built her identity around being "the strong one" in her family and workplace. When her body began to signal distress through chronic migraines, neck and back pains, and fatigue, she initially viewed these symptoms as weaknesses rather than as wisdom.

"I come from a long line of strong Black women," she told me. "My grandmother raised eight children while working two jobs. My mother put herself through school while caring for her parents. Who am I to say I can't handle my stress?"

This type of comparison became a barrier to her healing until she realized that perhaps the most meaningful way to honor her ancestry wasn't to replicate their struggles but instead to create the rest and ease they never had the chance to experience.

Reclaiming Rest as a Birthright

The journey back to balance starts not with another wellness practice to add to your list, but with a radical reclaiming: Rest is not a reward for productivity. It is not something you earn through suffering. It is your birthright—essential to your existence just like air and water.

This reclaiming often demands a complete rethinking of how we perceive rest:

From luxury to necessity: Rest is not an indulgence; it's a biological requirement. Your nervous system simply cannot function without adequate restoration.

From weakness to wisdom: Acknowledging your limits isn't a failure; it reflects deep body intelligence. Respecting these boundaries constitutes profound self-awareness.

From selfishness to stewardship: Taking time for restoration isn't subtracting from others; it's ensuring you have the resources to show up fully for what matters most.

From scarcity to abundance: Rest is not something to squeeze into an already packed life; it is the foundation that makes everything else possible.

For Maya, this reframing began with a simple yet profound practice. At the end of each day, she would place her hands on her heart and say, "My worth is not measured by my productivity. My rest is as sacred as my work."

This was more than just an affirmation—it was a reclamation of a truth her body always knew but her conditioning had led her to forget.

The Wisdom of Your Ancestors

As we reclaim rest, we can access traditional practices from various cultures that recognized the need for timing and restoration long before the term "stress management" became commonplace:

Sabbath traditions: Many cultures maintained sacred periods dedicated to rest, understanding the necessity of stepping back from productivity.

Seasonal alignment: Traditional communities often adapted their activity levels in tune with natural cycles, conserving energy during winter months.

Ceremonial transitions: Rituals marking transitions between activities helped create clear separations between work and rest.

Collective care networks: Communities often shared labor responsibilities, allowing for periods of lesser activity when needed.

Earth-based wisdom: Many indigenous traditions held practices that emphasized a proper relationship with natural rhythms.

Sarah discovered that her Jamaican grandmother observed a modified Sabbath practice every Sunday—not from religious obligation but as what she termed "necessary living." After church, the day was reserved for family meals, conversation, and absolutely no work. Had electronics existed then, they would have been banned.

Inspired by this ancestral wisdom, Sarah began crafting her own modern Sabbath—a time from Saturday evening to Sunday evening when she put away work devices, prepared simple yet nourishing meals, spent time in nature, and enjoyed quality moments with loved ones.

This wasn't merely a nice self-care attempt. It was a reconnection with a wisdom her body recognized immediately. After just a few weeks, her sleep improved and her stamina during the workweek expanded—not because she was doing more, but because she honored the balance of doing and being that her ancestors had always understood was essential.

Practical Pathways to Stress Transformation

Transforming your relationship with stress requires more than quick fixes or life hacks. It demands a multifaceted approach that honors the complexity of your experience. Here are some strategies that have supported my clients on their journeys back to balance:

1. Nervous System Regulation Practices

Your nervous system may have been in a prolonged state of activation, making it hard to access genuine rest. These practices create physiological conditions for restoration:

• Extend your exhale: Breathing with a longer exhale than inhale signals safety to your nervous system. Aim for a count of 4 in, 6 out.

• Cold water immersion: A brief exposure to cold water can help reset an activated nervous system.

• Humming or singing: The vibration from your vocal cords stimulates the vagus nerve, promoting parasympathetic activation.

• Earthing/grounding: Connecting directly with soil, grass, or water assists in co-regulating your nervous system with natural elements.

• Gentle movement: Rhythmic motions like dance, tai chi, or walking in nature help release stress from the body.

  
  

2. Boundary Medicine

Many women of color struggle with setting boundaries due to cultural expectations, caretaking roles, and professional pressures. Yet, boundaries are crucial for stress protection:

• Energy audit: Regularly evaluate which activities, environments, and relationships deplete or nourish you.

• Non-negotiable rest: Identify times reserved for restoration, irrespective of what others may demand.

• Digital limits: Set clear boundaries for technology use to prevent overwhelming stress from information overload.

• Aligned yes, authentic no: Respond to requests based on genuine capacity rather than obligation.

• Delegate and distribute: Identify tasks that can be shared or released, particularly the invisible labor.

  
  

3. Cultural Reconnection as Stress Resilience

Connecting with cultural practices and community provides powerful resources for handling stress while honoring your entire being:

• Community care circles: Create or join spaces where mutual support thrives among those who share similar experiences.

• Cultural joy practices: Regularly engage with music, dance, food, language, or traditions that connect you to cultural joy rather than just cultural struggles.

• Ancestral remembering: Learn about how your specific cultural lineage approached rest, stress, and restoration prior to colonial influences.

• Land connection: Spend time in nature, recognizing the stress-regulating effects of connecting with earth, water, plants, and sky.

• Spiritual anchoring: Engage with spiritual practices that deepen the meaning of your experience beyond the material realm.

  
  

4. Honoring Cyclic Wisdom

Both nature and your body operate in cycles, not rigid linear pathways. Recognizing these rhythms helps create sustainable energy management:

• Menstrual cycle awareness: For those who menstruate, tracking energy patterns throughout your cycle can shape activity planning and setting expectations.

• Seasonal alignment: Adjust expectations and schedules to reflect natural energy fluctuations during different seasons.

• Energy ebbs and flows: Plan significant tasks during your daily energy peaks, allowing for restoration during lower energy periods.

• Project cycling: Structure work and creativity in phases incorporating both productive output and periods of rest.

• Moon cycle practices: Many cultures scheduled activities based on lunar cycles, designating specific phases for various energy exertions.

  
  

A New Story of Strength

For both Sarah and Maya, the journey of stress transformation wasn't about entirely eliminating stress. Instead, it was about reshaping their relationship with it. They learned to differentiate between necessary stress, which fosters growth, and unnecessary stress that leads to chronic issues.

Most importantly, they began drafting a new narrative about strength—one that includes the courage to rest, the wisdom to respect limits, and the power of community support.

This new approach does not erase the systemic stressors that disproportionately burden women of color. We still navigate environments not designed with our well-being in mind. We carry the emotional and mental labor of bridging cultural gaps, and we contend with the physical toll that vigilance incurs in spaces where we're often seen as outsiders.

However, amidst these realities, we can reclaim practices that nurture our nervous systems, honor our needs, and connect us with the wisdom embedded in our lineages. We can remember that our ancestors didn't only teach us how to survive hardship—they also created moments of joy, rest, and connection when possible.

Your body was never intended to remain in constant activation. Your worth was never meant to be defined by your productivity. Your strength was never supposed to cost you your peace.

What small step might you take today to reclaim rest as your birthright? Perhaps it begins with simply placing a hand on your heart, taking a deep breath, and remembering: You deserve to be well.

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